To most of the world the name means nothing. But to me and a few others, the name ‘Forest Pump’ means everything. It represents a football team, a permanent bond, a shared existence, a way of life.

I’m exaggerating, but only a little. Forest Pump started as just a weak pun for the name of our Edinburgh University intra mural soccer team. But the name stuck, and so did our friendships.

Side note: Much of this chapter will make no sense to anyone who hasn’t played intra-mural football in Edinburgh in the 1990s, or who isn’t part of the broader Forest Pump church. But that’s sort of the point. We have our own religion. We are a cult. Indeed it was often said to us on the field of play, that we were a bunch of cults. Welcome to the World of the mighty Forest Pump.Curry

Forest Pump F.C., often shortened to just ‘The Pump’, started life as just a group of 18 and 19 year old lads, who happened to be resident in the Fraser House of Pollok Halls in Edinburgh University in October 1993. Someone organized a kickabout during Fresher’s week and a soccer team was born. And by soccer I mean football.

For some obscure reason, the team was originally called ‘Brian Clough’s Dodgy Deals’. We rebranded as Forest Pump in 1994, as a play on words on the team Nottingham Forest and the popular Tom Hanks movie that had just been released. Also in the UK to ‘pump’ means to fart. For a bunch of teenage boys it was perfect.

Our first couple of seasons were decidedly average. We avoided relegation or finished in mid-table the first few terms, but we finished runners ups in Division 2 in the spring term of 1995. The team took a sabbatical in 95-96 because most of us were out of the country on a year abroad. But in October 1996 we reformed, older and wiser, and after some lobbying I was able to convince the Sports Department at Edinburgh Uni to put us in Division 1.

At some point in our first season, I had taken over the managerial duties of the team, basically because no one else could be arsed to do it. It was a job. We were a Wednesday afternoon team and co-ordinating a bunch of permanently hungover students in the mid-90s was not an easy task.

It sounds like the dark ages, but this was a time when no one had mobile phones or emails. Instead I had the phone numbers for every player’s flat written down on the back of a club night flyer. I also had the phone numbers for the flat of every player’s mate and any girl that they happened to be seeing at the time. Every Monday night I would ring round the team to see who could play and, just as importantly, figure out how they were going to get from central Edinburgh out to the playing fields of Peffermill or Jack Kane.

We had our core group of players and I had another list of ten or so lads who could fill in as necessary. Obviously the further down the list I got, the more I was scraping from our already shallow talent barrel. The key was to making sure we had 11 certainties. If we only had 10 players show up, that was a problem. But if we had 12, then that meant having a substitute freezing his tits off on the side of the pitch. And no one wanted to do that. It had to be 11.Clubbin

It’s strange to think that at first many of us played football together before we actually became friends. But by our final year at Edinburgh University, we were very much a team of mates. Many of us lived together, and when we went out, which was often, we generally went out together.

For my entire student life, I was obsessed about Forest Pump. At the end of every term, when it came to the exams, and I looked back at my lecture notes for the first time, half the pages in my notebook would be filled with team permutations, or formations,Badges or new strip designs. I even designed a logo to look like the Nottingham Forest badge, but instead of a tree coming out the ground, I turned it into a fart coming out an arse. We had it embroidered on our shirts. I don’t think anyone else found it as funny as I did.

In 1994, I got black and white football tops made in the style of Blackburn Rovers, with red numbers and our nicknames printed on the back. Later we added a rugby shirt, and a polo shirt to the Pump casualwear collection.

But there were only 10 original footy tops made. The goalie had his own kit. This also meant that if one of the original ten were not playing, then we had to arrange to pick up his shirt before the game, which may or may not have made it into a washing machine, or dryer, since the week before.

Now more than 20 years later, the eleven original Pump members are still some of my best friends in the world. I should take a moment to introduce them.

#1 Oliver Dale.
Nickname(s) – ‘Jigsy’
Nationality – English
Position – Goalkeeper
Strengths – Had his own kit.
Weaknesses – Didn’t like getting his kit dirty.

#2 James de Veulle
Nickname(s) – ‘Jersey Jim’, ‘Tug’
Nationality – Jersey
Position – LB
Strengths – Never complained about being at left back.
Weaknesses – No left foot.

#3 Stefan Boehm
Nickname(s) – ‘Bullshit’, ‘Stef’
Nationality – English
Position – RB / RM
Strengths – Believes that he once scored an amazing volley from 50 yards.
Weaknesses – Terrible memory.

#4 Jonny Graham
Nickname(s) – ‘Jonty’, ‘Blade’
Nationality – Scottish
Position – CM
Strengths – Footballing genius. Zidane-esque poise and skills. Also had a car.
Weaknesses – Could only fit 7 lads in his car.

#5 Pat Earl
Nickname(s) – ‘Patski’, ‘Big Pat’
Nationality – English
Position – CB
Strengths – Natural footballer. Dominant in the air. Adept at defending corners by heading the ball over our own bar.
Weaknesses – Liked to go up for our own corners. Adept at heading the ball over their bar.

#6 Ian Benton
Nickname(s) – ‘Beno’
Nationality – English
Position – RM
Strengths – Will to win. Highly motivated. Always had his shit together.
Weaknesses – Occasionally would follow through.

#7 Phil King
Nickname(s) – ‘Elvis’, ‘Pyob’
Nationality – English
Position – CB
Strengths – Excellent at defending with his huge barse.
Weaknesses – Became too reliant on his barse.

#8 Bryan Hamilton
Nickname(s) – Hammy
Nationality – Northern Irish
Position – CM
Strengths – Always got the ball in a 50-50 challenge.
Weaknesses – Always got the man in a 40-60 challenge.

#9 Jaime McNeill
Nickname(s) – ‘Jambo’, ‘Sixty’, ‘Hero’, ‘Villain’
Nationality – Scottish
Position – RM / CF / GK
Strengths – Very good at diving and being able to convince referees to award fouls against him.
Weaknesses – We never had referees at our games.

#10 Pete Reid
Nickname(s) – ‘Peej’, ‘The Gaffer’
Nationality – Scottish
Position – LM / CF
Strengths – Picked the team. Played every game.
Weaknesses – Picked the team. Played every game.

#11 Neil Hamblen
Nickname(s) – ‘Nelly’, ‘Nellio’
Nationality – Scottish
Position – RB / CF
Strengths – Lethal from less than 2 yards out.
Weaknesses – Useless from more than 2 yards out.


Ed Tyler
Nickname(s) – ‘Big Ed’
Nationality – English
Position – CM
Strengths – Tall, skinny, majestic midfielder. Would have excelled on the manicured grass of the San Siro.
Weaknesses – Found it difficult on the frozen, bumpy, dog shit covered surfaces of East Edinburgh.

Craig Winning
Nickname(s) – Craigy
Nationality – Scottish
Position – RB / LB
Strengths – Never let speedy wingers get past him.
Weaknesses – Loved kicking speedy wingers.

Anthony Doyle
Nickname(s) – Doyley, Tony D.
Nationality – English
Position – LM
Strengths – Flatmate of Phil, Pat and Jersey. Good player. Better mate.
Weaknesses – Refused to play for the Pump, staying loyal to rival team Inter Mepants.

Philip Montgomery
Nickname(s) – Fonzy
Nationality – Northern Irish
Position – RB / LB / Cheerleader
Strengths – Champion FIFA ’94 player (with me) on Sega Mega drive. Excellent hand-eye coordination.
Weaknesses – Foot-eye coordination.

Stuart McComb
Nickname(s) – Gary Linekar
Nationality – Northern Irish
Position – RM / LM
Strengths – Looked like Gary Linekar.
Weaknesses – Played like Des Lynam.

Honorable mentions – Joel, Scammsy, Doctor Dave, Joe, Banksie, Ricky Matchett, Myles, Tommy Crocket, Richie Rich, Danny, Bailsey, and many more.

Jigsy was our goalie from that first Freshers week kickabout, and Stef and Fonzy lived just down the hall from me in Fraser House. Fonzy’s best mate from Ballymena was Hammy, and Stef’s best mate from Nottingham was Phil who had been allocated a flat with Pat and Jersey.

I’ve known Nelly and Jonny since I was 12 years old. In fact, Nelly was sat directly in front of me in my first class at Glasgow Academy in 1987, and Jonny was sat right behind me. Jambo was Nelly’s neighbor and childhood friend in Bearsden, and Jonny signed up Beno one night in a toilet before the start of 4th year.

We played a classic 4-4-2 formation and I would always aim to have some speed on the wings, your hard man / silky man combo in center midfield, and a big man / wee man partnership up front. That was it as far as ‘tactics’. But we were not bad. There are a few highlights from a game in 1995 at the bottom, and I don’t just mean the highlights in my bleached blond hair. Woolpack

Our last season was the Spring Term of 1997. There were eight teams in Division 1 and so we had seven games to decide the championship. The other issue that we dealt with every week was the weather. Typically, Edinburgh in late winter, early spring is very cold and very wet. That year was no exception. We had won two out of our first three games in January, (against 10 Men and Donald and Arthurs Feet), but then it rained for the whole of February and every other game was cancelled. But in what was perhaps my greatest managerial feat, I was able to rearrange 3 of those fixtures for the one sunny week in March.

We beat Ballingay 3-0 on the Wednesday, thrashed Pitch Invasion 5-0 on the Friday night with Nelly back up front, and then we won 3-2 on the Sunday against Beef Curtains. All the other games were cancelled so we won the league. It might have helped that we had played two more games than everyone else but that’s not the point. We were the disputed, undisputed champions of Edinburgh.

Then in April 1997, we entered the Edinburgh University Summer Cup. All teams were eligible to play, including members of the actual University First XI. We demolished Holland House 11-1 in the first round, with Jonny and I both scoring hat-tricks. Then we beat the Cunning Stunts 4-1 in the quarter final, to set up a semi final with Gambler’s Wotsit in what was to be the last competitive game for the Pump.

Unfortunately it’s a game that I don’t remember much about because I got a concussion early in the first half. I can’t even remember how it happened. But I took a nasty knock on the head and everything went dark for a few seconds. When I came around I had completely lost my short-term memory. I genuinely didn’t know where I was or how I had got there. I was dizzy and really disorientated. As usual though, I hadn’t arranged a sub, so I got up and kept playing.

Jambo was in goals because Jigsy was stressed about exams, and I do remember at one point before half-time I went back to talk to him because I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t get off the pitch though. So Gambler’s Wotsit ran up and scored because I played everyone onside.

We were two nil down at half-time. I had a sit down and a few slices of orange and started to feel better. That was my other managerial skill – I always brought half-time oranges for everyone. Second half we were much better. I scored a goal, a header, to get us back in the game, and then Beno bulleted in another header from a Jonny corner to bring the scores level at 2-2. That’s how it finished and so we went straight to penalties.

I was still out of it, and so I didn’t volunteer to take a penalty. But I do remember saying that Jambo should stay in goals. Some others were suggesting that Pat, who is about a foot taller than Jambo and a decent goalie, should go in goals for the penalties. But Jambo had reluctantly gone in goal that day as a favor to me, and I felt that he had earned his chance to be a hero.

At it was, we lost on penalties 4-3. Like the long list of English footballers who have missed penalties at major championships, the names of the Pump penalty missers have long been enshrined into the Forest Pump Hall of Shame. But to reveal their names here would be a discredit to them and to the rest of the team. They remain heroes to me, not least because they had the balls to volunteer to take a penalty, and I didn’t.

But it was Beno and Jambo that missed.

As Gambler’s Wotsit celebrated their win and making it to the prestigious Summer Cup Final, the Pump trudged off the field, for the last time, as one. Actually not quite as one. After Jambo missed his penalty, he dropped to his knees and covered his face with his shirt. He was inconsolable. So no one consoled him. He was still lying on the penalty spot when the rest of us made it back to the changing room.

I spent the night in hospital having weird deja-vu dreams, and then got my brain back together to study for my final law exams, that took place less than two weeks later. I don’t think there was any permanent damage. But I’m sure some may disagree.

The Pump has played together a few times since. We toured Jersey that summer, and we played three matches in Austin during my first bachelor party. Then in January 2000 we had a bit of reunion in Edinburgh and I entered two teams into the Edinburgh University indoor five-a-side tournament. JamboEven though we had graduated three years earlier, the Uni let us play, presumably because they thought we just a bunch of old cults. Of course, we won the tournament and laid to rest some of the 1997 Summer Cup ghosts.

Nowadays, I get to see some of these guys maybe once a year. Some I haven’t seen since I moved to the States. But we all still talk and give each other the same abuse almost every day on an IM app.

Once in 2002, on a weekend trip to Dublin, a dozen of us were sat around a table in a pub drinking Guinness. Then someone had the idea to play a game where we all took turns saying something that we liked or admired about each other.

That’s not a typical thing for a group of guys to do on a boozy night out. It got emotional. I wish I could remember what was said about me, but I know how I feel about them, and I’m not going to be shy about expressing it in later chapters.

And the Pump family continues to expand. The next generation of the Pump is growing rapidly across the globe. Today you can find members of the Pump, and their offspring, in England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, France, Sweden, Canada, USA, and Australia. Another reason why it’s hard to get together these days.

So yeah. That’s the story of the Pump. And the ending is as yet unwritten. But I have to close this chapter somehow. Unable to find the appropriate words, I turn instead to the writings of another who expresses my feelings about these men far more eloquently than I could ever contemplate. Long Live The Pump.

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember’d;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother.

Henry V | Act 4, Scene 3

222 thoughts on “UnReidable Chapter 16 – April 1997: Edinburgh, Scotland

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    cards Indian Rummy. The thirteen card rummy has gained reputation in India and most of the gamers are taking part in the
    game for actual cash. The cash games are also entertained inside
    the household as it is not playing but a sport
    of skill. The Supreme Courtroom judgement has made it clear
    that online rummy is just not gambling, but a game of skill and it’s authorized
    to play rummy on-line for cash. One of many most important downsides of the
    traditional variant of the card sport is that it takes a desk and 2 or
    three players to be available whereas enjoying the game.

    Over time, the cell gaming industry has additionally grown big
    and the cell gaming income can be marking a great change within the rummy gaming business.
    The change that income is bringing to the rummy card game
    business is clear from the technological improvement of the websites that have evolved.
    Almost all the real cash and free rummy websites are of world-class standard and the true-time playing experience has additionally increased considerably.
    Now individuals can play with their family and friends with none lag via a cell browser or
    an app with Indian rummy sport free obtain. The event of
    cellular internet technologies like 3G and 4G has also made the mobile gaming expertise
    trouble free.

    Disclaimer: is neighborhood platform where our users discover and submit
    deals from varied web site internationally, we don’t guarantee, approve or endorse the information or products accessible at these sites, nor does a hyperlink point out
    any association with or endorsement by the linked site
    to Readers are requested to be cautious while purchasing at
    newly launched and non-trusted e-commerce websites.

    The goal of this Rummy Weblog is to bring you newest updates
    on rummy tournaments, rummy provides, methods and tips about playing rummy better and win money by enjoying rummy online.
    It goals at offering an thrilling gaming expertise to all gamers.

    Learn what it takes to play rummy online and which on-line
    casino from India to use. When the French began to colonize in America,
    they have been the primary ones to carry poker to the continent.
    The speculation states that it was from one of
    these poker that rummy is alleged to have come from, as it
    was first referred to as Rum Poker, and eventually simply named Rummy.
    As for me, I will stick to having fun with the game and winning cash without worrying in regards to the previous of its origins for now.
    Laying Off is so as to add card(s) from your hand onto the cards that are already on the table in an effort
    to meld it. You are not allowed to move a card from
    one meld to another meld.

    Now on-line rummy is among the most popular online games and there are a number of online gaming web sites in India where you can log in, register and start taking
    part in a game of rummy online. You possibly can play rummy on-line either as a
    guest or by creating an account with a gaming website which can offer you some
    great join bonus as well as other benefits. Nearly all of these websites are
    offering large rewards to all the new gamers who join with them
    to play a sport of on-line rummy. In addition to this you get rewards and different benefits should you invite your
    mates to play online rummy on the web site the place you’ve registered.

    The app will enable customers to join a multiplayer rummy desk online while on the
    go. Select a recreation from the choice beneath for your
    likelihood to find out extra about rummy,
    play the sport at one of our beneficial casinos or refresh your self with the
    game rules. With years of expertise in playing all versions of rummy, we’ve efficiently created a
    vital guide to every sport including the technique and rules as well as supplied a list of the
    websites to play rummy on-line at no cost or actual cash.

    To download the free app Rummy Plus by Peak Video games, get iTunes now.
    Play Rummy Plus with your mates without cost and meet new individuals
    from throughout the World!

    India’s online rummy gaming sector, which is seeing growing curiosity from non-public equity corporations
    and global buyers, may undergo a setback as some states try to rein in gaming companies.
    This comes at the same time as India’s largest and only listed on line casino agency, Delta Corp, which just lately acquired the nation’s prime poker
    site , is reportedly looking to purchase Matrix Partners-backed.
    Rummy Circle, Adda52, Traditional Rummy and Junglee Rummy are among the many other notable on-line rummy gaming
    firms in India that have attracted the interest of world buyers.
    India’s online gaming industry, which has emerged
    as one of the quickest growing sectors in the nation, has seen curiosity from a number of global traders, together with Sequoia Capital,
    Tiger International, Matrix Partners, IDG Ventures, SAIF Companions and Rebright Partners.

    Begin taking part in your favorite Indian rummy
    on mobile and desktop now. Basic Rummy now affords an opportunity to Get
    Rs 50000. Play your favorite rummy on cellular and get
    eligible to win Cashback up to Rs 50000 every week.
    Obtain the Classic Rummy app on your cellular now and
    get began. Unique: Get Rs 350 Money Bonus On Rs one hundred
    Deposit. Traditional Rummy is likely one of the
    greatest rummy sites in India. You’ll be able to play rummy
    even you might be travelling, all it is advisable to do is to
    obtain the app on mobile, and benefit from the game.
    It offers you across the clock buyer care support for the limitless gaming experience.

    In 2015, the Supreme Court docket of India declared on-line rummy, poker and card video games as games of ability,
    which aren’t illegal within the country. However, states are allowed to pass legal
    guidelines regulating betting and playing and customers from Assam and Orissa aren’t allowed to play on-line poker and rummy.

    The Assam Game and Betting Act, 1970, and the Orissa (Prevention of) Playing Act,
    1955 prohibits video games with money stakes and also does not create an exception for
    video games of skill. The nascent on-line poker area is picking up tempo in India and earlier this month, Canadian personal equity
    investment group Clarivest led a $seventy three.7 million round of funding in Hyderabad-based runs Ace2Three.

    If this proposal is indeed applied, Telangana can be
    the primary state in India to expressly categorise poker
    and rummy within the ambit of playing. Rummy On-line Games – Basic rummy affords the very best Indian rummy video games to play
    13 cards rummy online in many variants. To satisfy that demand,
    RummyRoyal developed its gaming platform, permitting players from throughout the globe to play in thrilling rummy video games
    (Kalooki, Gin Rummy and Rummy 500) and to play against players who may
    be hundreds of miles away without having to leave their home.
    RummyRoyal gamers can enjoy luxurious digital rummy rooms, seating arrangement and cards shuffling and
    coping with the ease of a mouse click on.

    Welcome to the wonderful world of Rummy, where we at RummyRoyal provide rummy gamers from world wide with a
    wealth of Rummy gaming data and a medley of variations of rummy to play on-line.
    Nicely then you’re in luck, RummyRoyal offers actual money online rummy
    games the place you can win actual money prizes playing your
    favorite rummy sport. is a hundred% Protected, Secured
    and Authorized, RummyRoyal is your best option for
    enjoying actual cash rummy video games. It doesn’t matter what type of rummy sport you
    play, at RummyRoyal you’ll discover all the fashionable
    rummy video games including Kalooki forty , Kalooki fifty one, Gin Rummy , Oklahoma Gin, Rummy 500 , Canasta,
    Conventional Rummy , Burraco, Okey, Tripoley, Tiled Rummy and

    There are various well-recognized card games which might
    be variants of the original rummy sport, however primary rummy
    is a fun card recreation in itself and is great you probably have 2 – 6 gamers.
    In the event you’re playing with more than six individuals taking part in rummy with a normal deck of cards
    becomes troublesome, so that you’re higher off enjoying
    another rummy variant like contract rummy, 500 rum or double rum.
    You do that by forming melds and adding your cards onto different gamers’ melds, or you’ll be able to exit in a single go by calling rummy.
    Once the profitable player has ended the round, the scores are added from the cards left
    within the other gamers’ hands and are given to the winner.

    Gamers from around the globe are invited to open real-money accounts, with the
    exception of residents of the following US states and territories: Arkansas, Arizona, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida,
    Iowa, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Montana, Nebraska, South
    Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Vermont, Guam and Puerto
    Rico. At RummyRoyal, gamers will discover all their
    favorite Rummy variations including Gin Rummy, Oklahoma Gin, Kalooki fifty one, Kalooki forty,
    Conventional Rummy, Rummy 500, Tripoley, Canasta, Turkish Rummy (Okey) and Rummikub.
    The stakes vary from round $ 1 per sport for all variations to up to $ 50 for the most well-liked games (Kalooki 51, Kalooki 40, Gin Rummy, Oklahoma Gin and Conventional Rummy).

    Deposits are normally processed immediately although funds deposited through bank transfers can take three to 5 days
    to appear on your account. Withdrawing your winnings usually
    takes between one and five days with Moneybookers,
    Click and Purchase and Neteller. The Welcome Bonus is accessible
    completely for brand new gamers at RummyRoyal who make their first deposit.
    Gamers generally enjoy two sorts of rummy games, one for pure leisure and the opposite for leisure, plus winning
    cash. Top-of-the-line methods to gain exposure
    for taking part in real cash cash games is by
    making humble beginnings.

    On-line gambling is usually considered a form of on-line gaming.
    Most online casinos or poker rooms are based in international locations that permit on-line playing.

    On-line gaming can contain almost any kind of gambling,
    akin to digital slot machines, digital poker, and sports wagering.

    However, online gaming and playing legal guidelines
    in India are nonetheless evolving. We’ve no devoted legal guidelines for online gaming, online gambling.
    In fact, we now have no laws that can successfully deal with legal issues
    of online gaming, online playing, on-line fantasy sports, e-sports, and so forth
    in India. As a result now we have prohibitions and restrictions which have been imposed by
    central laws and legal guidelines of different states making your entire gaming and gambling activities murky.

    Our purpose is to assure the highest charges at our visitors’
    feedbacks, making a fair competition to Indian poker
    sites, by delivering only the most effective on-line money games in India.

    That way we are ensuring that satisfaction of our players is guaranteed, having full comfort by attempting out our
    exclusive online gaming portal. Our on-line gaming website is
    among the greatest on this space of on-line money games, so we try to sustain with our good status, by having
    our video games constantly and easily manageable. All online poker and online rummy games are simple to handle and
    simple to play, so that you just must concentrate on enjoying online tournaments
    with different Indian poker gamers.

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